Monthly Archives: June 2012

Get Back, My Life, Parenting

Get Back Day 3- My Son

Hey Son,

I am super proud to be your dad. You bring so much joy to your mom and I. We have had such a great adventure getting to know your personality and seeing how smart and loving you are. My heart is full when I think about you and I am excited to see what God does in and through your life.

I’ve learned a few things about you in the last 3 years.

You have a huge heart. It is amazing to watch you express your love, concern, and care for others. You have loved your little sister since before she was born and to see you talk to her, sing to her, hug her, and hold her makes my heart swell with pride over you. Where ever we go you say “Hello” to others and I love to hear you say “Don’t cry. It’s ok.” when we see another child that is upset. Lately, your favorite phrase is, “Let’s do this TOGETHER.” You want to do everything as a team. You love to help. You love to make others happy. I believe your capacity to love is as large as anyone I’ve ever known.

You have unlimited energy. I hope that you can grow to see that this means you have unlimited potential. From the minute your feet hit the floor each morning you are off and running. You are constantly moving and if our car could run on the kinetic energy we would never have to buy gasoline again! I love this about you. I hope that you never lose your passion and zeal for life.

You love music. You are definitely my son. I love to watch you dance and perform. While it drives me crazy, I do like how you study and strum my guitar (One day, when you stop messing with the tuning keys it will stay in tune!). You have a beautiful voice and when you sing it floods my heart with joy. You pick up on songs and lyrics so quickly. I love it! I can’t wait to see if this love for music will continue as you get older. I sure hope it does.

You are always out in front. I’m not sure whether you are a Leader or merely The Ringleader but more often then not, you have a parade of boys and girls behind you. You are the most visible, the most vocal, and the one with the most personality. If I’m being honest this is the part of your personality that I pray over the most. There is a responsibility to others when your put yourself out in front. You have to watch where you go, how you treat others, what you say, and how you say it. Character trumps personality and integrity trumps volume every single time.

As I think about these things I’ve shared with you today I can’t help but think about Proverbs 4. As your dad, I want the two us us to discover the instructions in this passage together. My prayer for you and for me is that we will grow to use our hearts to love others. I pray that we my spend our lives and our energies to serve those around us. I want us to use our gifts and talents to lift others up. I pray that your desire and my desire is to help others and bring joy to the lives of those closet to us.

I love you Son and I am honored that God chose me to be your Dad.

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Proverbs 4:1–27
“Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown.”

Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot rest until they do evil; they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence. The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble. My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”

Question: What are some things you want your children to know about growing up and living out of the unique way that God wired them?

Get Back, My Life, My Wife Rules

Get Back Day 2- Sandy

McInteer 150.

It is the largest classroom in the Bible building at Harding University. I never had a regular class in that room but what happened there radically and profoundly changed my life.

It is in McInteer 150 where I met the love of my life.

In the fall of 1999, I was scheduled to spend my semester studying abroad in Athens, Greece. Before I was to leave, I went to campus to help with the incoming freshmen and to spend some time with friends. I was also scheduled to take a test for scholarships/credits.

On Saturday morning I arrived to the room a little early with book in hand. I wasn’t interested in chit-chat. I wasn’t looking for a date. I simply wanted to take my test and get out of there.

Then she walked by.

Short brown hair. Beautiful smile. She was wearing a Dave Matthews Band shirt.

“Bingo! Conversation starter!” is instantly what I thought.

I engaged her with some small talk and we connected. As the room started to get full she went and sat down near the front of the room. She stayed there a few minutes before returning to my row in order to sit next to me so we could continue talking.

We interacted with one another during that week off and on in the cafeteria or  somewhere on campus. As the week was drawing to a close I desperately wanted to ask her out. The problem was that I would essentially be traveling for the next 6 months. It would be less than an ideal situation for me to get involved with someone over such a long distance. I just didn’t know what the right thing to do was.

One night she asked, “Are we going to go out to dinner sometime before you  leave?”

“Yes. Yes we are!” I replied. It was just the right nudge that I needed.

We went to dinner and a movie later that week and it was, hands down, the best date I had ever been on.

I spent the next few months bouncing from internet cafe to internet cafe writing her emails and exchanging correspondence. I was in love.

The best part: So was she!

In 2001, I married Sandy. 11 years later, we have an awesome marriage, two beautiful kids, a wonderful life, and a vision for our future. I am blessed because she is my wife. I am a better person because she is my friend. I love her with every ounce of my being. She is my rock, my encourager, and the love of my life.

Thank you Sandy. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do. You are the best. I love you.

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Oh, and thank you McInteer 150. Well played.

Question: Who is the love of your life? What is your love story?

Family Ministry, Get Back, My Life, My Wife Rules, Parenthood, Parenting, Personal Leadership, Self-Leadership

Get Back Day 1- Family

I love my family and I do everything possible to make sure that they know that they are my number one priority. However, it isn’t always easy. Often times I feel caught in the middle between family and ministry.

Family

There is a pull to spend all my focus and all my time on my ministry but if I do that I will lose my family. One of my core values is that I refuse to sacrifice my family on the alter of ministry. I will not let that happen. I know I cannot focus exclusively on my ministry.

There is a pull in the opposite direction to spend all my time and focus on my family. However, if I do that I will struggle to live out  my calling to lead others into a dynamic relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is a lot of tension between my family and my ministry. One thing I understand completely: I am called to lead a local congregation but I’m commanded to lead my family. The tension comes from my desire to do both equally well without sacrificing .

I’m sure you feel this tension as well. Our default reaction is to work feverishly in order to release or erase tension from our lives. I spent many years trying to resolve this type of tension yet I found myself super busy with little to show for my effort. I was meeting the unique needs of each part of my life poorly.

A few years ago I was challenged to manage the tension rather than resolve it. This mindset has made all the difference for us.

The tension between family and ministry or family and work will always, always, always be there. You can’t get around it. So you must learn how to work within the tension and allow both areas to co-exists and even strengthen one another.

Over the years, my wife and I have learned to consistently practiced 5 habits that help us manage the tension between family and ministry.

5 Ways We Manage the Tension

1) Communication
Communication is the foundation of every good relationship and it is essential for managing the tensions in your life. Specifically we seek to communicate the expectations we have for one another and what we need from each other in any given situation. For example, Sandy will tell me that she needs me to be home on Thursday night of next week so that she can be at a ladies event. I’ll then move my schedule- maybe I’ll schedule a meeting over coffee that morning or during lunch so that I am available when she needs me to be. Sandy knows that on Saturday nights I spend a few hours in preparation for Sunday. She understands this need and works her Saturday family plans around this. Bonus: If you add Flexibility to Communication, everybody wins.

2) Schedule
Sandy and I regularly talk about what is on our calendar. At least twice a week we connect with the upcoming calendar (usually we talk about the next 2 weeks). This helps us be intentional about our schedules and it helps us avoid scheduling conflicts. Before I plan anything big on my ministry calendar, I run it by Sandy. I’m not looking for permission but I want to include her in on any scheduling issues to make sure that she is available, aware, and a part of the conversation. This one thing has made a huge difference in our relationship.

3) Date Night
The ideal for us is to have a date night once a week. Having an infant definitely throws a wrench in the gears of that ideal. However, we have found that the real power behind having a regular date night lies with the mindset. Dating your spouse is very much a state of mind. While we can’t go out each week, we can make spending quality time with one another a reality. The couch in our living room can transform into an IMAX movie experience when we make time to watch a movie together. Our couch can also change into a quiet coffee shop as we sit and talk about how our day went and what are our future dreams and plans are. Dates don’t always have to take place “offsite” so make time today for your next date night.

4) Family Night
Right now, Tuesday night is Felker Family Fun Night. I put a hedge around Tuesday nights because I know that we are going out as a family. We typically load the kids up and head out to dinner. One of our favorite restaurants runs a family special on Tuesdays– 2 kids eat free with 1 adult purchase. (How cool is that!?!?!) After dinner we typically enjoy an evening activity. We walk around the mall, we visit the free zoo (pet store), we visit the free amusement park (the playground at church), play at the free waterpark (splash pad)- Are you picking up on a theme here? Family night is my favorite night of the week! Look around your town and see what kind of deals are in your area. Pick a night of the week and protect it from all other events. You will love it and your family will thank you.

5) Do ministry as a family
This will look differently for everyone but we decided years ago to make sure to do ministry together. When someone needs a meal delivered, we load up the car and deliver it as a family. Sometimes we invite a few families over to our home for dinner and fellowship. My hope is that over time my kids will be able to join us in ministry as well. Sandy truly is my ministry partner. I have been blessed beyond my wildest imagination.

My prayer for you is that you will learn to manage the tensions in your life. When you do, you will find freedom and life. Use your creativity and imagination to work within the tension rather than expending your time and energy trying to resolve a problem that won’t go away.

Question: How do you manage the tensions between Family and Work? (Leave your thoughts and ideas in the comment section)

Collecting Experiences, Experience, Get Back, Personal Leadership

Get Back

In the spring of 2004, I signed up for a free account with Blogger and began my blogging journey. I have always had a burning desire to be a writer and blogging gave me an outlet and a platform to share my thoughts, ideas, and passions. I instantly fell in love with writing posts, sharing my thoughts, and engaging with others in the blogging community. I was able to connect with music writers, ministry leaders, friends, and thought-makers. I blogged about 2 years using that free account before I graduated to this self-hosted site at MichealFelker.com. This site gave me the freedom to make my blog exactly what I wanted it to be. Again, I fell in love with posting my thoughts and ideas and linking to articles and starting conversations and relationships.

Most of all I loved writing. Every day.

I developed a rhythm and a voice. I learned about myself, ministry, and developing/creating content.

Fast forward 5 years. Then my son was born. Then our family suffered through a miscarriage. Then our church entered into a season of transition. Then I transitioned from youth ministry to the role of lead minister.

Life got busy. Things changed. Schedules got shuffled. Making time to write and to develop my writing became harder and harder.

Reality is, I’ve been able to spend the last few years living life. And in my opinion, I live a great life.

I have a smokin’ hot wife who loves me unconditionally and supports me completely.
My son is pretty much the greatest kid on the planet.
I have a brand spanking new daughter who is beautiful.
I love my church and I absolutely love what I do.
I have a group of awesome friends.
Every day I’m given unlimited opportunities to succeed.

Life is good.

However, I miss writing and posting articles on my blog each day. There have been fits and starts over the last year or so, but nowhere near the consistency of the past or the vision I have for my writing life.

This summer, I am preaching a series based on the Book of Ephesians called Get Back. I’ve decided that it’s time to Get Back to blogging.

Over the course of the next 40 days my goal is to post 40 articles based on my favorite people, places, and things in an effort to be re-inspired and to get back in the groove of posting again on a daily basis.

Over the 40 days (Mon-Fri), I want to write about my life, my passions, my hopes, my dreams, and my core values.

I’m ready to get back to writing.
I’m ready to get back to sharing.
I’m ready to get back to Kicking at the Darkness.

Ethos, Experience

Seasonal

The month of May was just one of those months.

Personally, we had a baby and I was laid low with an illness that is still nagging me.

Professionally, we had an insane number of events and opportunities for ministry to attend to.

This past week we finished up Work Camp, an event that takes months to plan and execute.

This week, I feel like I can breathe again.

Seasons of business happen to us all. When you are overwhelmed and pushed to your limit for a small about of time you are able to survive. It is when you allow these seasons to become the norm – that’s when you get into trouble. You can sustain being in the red line for a short amount of time but stay there too long and you blow a gasket… or your adrenal glands.

Don’t be that person who is constantly busy and overworked. Build into you year times of rest and rejuvenation. Avoid moving from project to project and went to event. Let your mental/physical/emotional field lay fallow for a season.

Your effectiveness and your ability to deliver will increase the next time you have to push through a difficult and busy season.